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Neuralink's Brain Implants: FDA Greenlights Human Study Amidst Animal Experiment Controversy

In a surprising turn of events, Elon Musk's Neuralink has managed to secure FDA approval for its first-ever human clinical trial. While hailed as a significant milestone for the brain-implant startup, this achievement comes hot on the heels of investigations into the company's questionable treatment of animals during experiments. Notorious for his grandiose claims, Musk remains silent on the matter, leaving us wondering about the true motives behind his latest technological venture.

Neuralink's tweet celebrating the FDA approval conveniently omitted any specifics about the upcoming study, leaving us in suspense. The FDA, similarly vague, confirmed that Neuralink can proceed with its brain implants and surgical robot for trials, but conveniently declined to disclose further information. Transparency at its finest, folks!

It's no secret that Neuralink has been under intense scrutiny after reports emerged of shoddy surgeries on unsuspecting animals. Employees revealed that the company rushed procedures on monkeys, pigs, and sheep, resulting in unnecessary deaths and a significant lack of finesse. Apparently, Musk's eagerness to obtain FDA approval left no room for animal welfare or basic surgical competence.

One particular blunder stands out: Neuralink managed to implant the wrong-sized devices in 25 out of 60 pigs, leading to the inevitable demise of all the poor swine. It's almost as if proper preparation and attention to detail could have prevented such a catastrophic oversight. But who needs precision when you have a grand vision, right?

As if the animal experiment fiasco wasn't enough, Neuralink's shady practices are also being probed by various governmental bodies. The Department of Transportation is looking into whether the company irresponsibly transported dangerous pathogens on monkey brain chips without proper containment measures. Additionally, the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Office of Inspector General is investigating potential animal-welfare violations and the USDA's oversight of Neuralink. It's starting to feel like a real circus over there!

Despite the growing concerns and mounting evidence of misconduct, both Musk and Neuralink have chosen to remain silent, ignoring multiple requests for comments on the matter. Can't say we're surprised; after all, who needs accountability when you're on a quest to revolutionize humanity?

It's worth mentioning that Neuralink's journey to human trials hasn't been smooth sailing. Musk, with his characteristic confidence, made several predictions about starting human trials since 2019. However, it wasn't until early 2022 that Neuralink finally decided to seek FDA approval. Unsurprisingly, the agency rejected their initial application due to various safety concerns. Apparently, lithium batteries, wandering implant wires, and the pesky task of extracting the device without damaging the brain tissue posed a slight inconvenience to Neuralink's master plan.

Musk, always the visionary, dreams of brain implants as a cure-all for a plethora of conditions, ranging from obesity to autism, depression, and even schizophrenia. Oh, and let's not forget the added bonus of enabling web browsing and telepathy. He even boldly claimed he would be willing to implant the devices in his own children, exhibiting a level of confidence that surpasses all reasonable bounds.

With Neuralink's human study on the horizon and FDA approval in hand, one can't help but wonder about the potential consequences of this hasty and ethically questionable endeavor. Will it be the revolutionary breakthrough Musk promises, or just another instance of technology run amok? Only time will tell, but one thing's for certain: Neuralink is here to stir the pot and keep us on our toes, even if it means stepping on a few ethical boundaries along the way. Source: Reuters URL:

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